Gandhi: The Truth

5

2007-03-18

Sitting there, barefoot, starving and peaceful, what a deceptive picture. That's the Gandhi that they want you to believe in, but no, I'm not fooled. I know the truth. The real Mahatma Gandhi, who has no affiliation with the rice company, was actually a pretty intense guy. First off, we need to dispel that whole starving rumor. MG (as his friends called him) was actually the 3 time India hot dog eating champ. Do not, I repeat, do not invite this guy to a barbecue, he will eat everything edible and a few things that aren't. And I haven't even mentioned how he did in the pancake eating contest. This guy is banned from more all you can eat restaurants than I can name, that's why he was so hungry all the time.

This is just another stock photo of the fake Gandhi. This is actually a picture of Peter Frampton.

And peaceful? HA! I'll have you know that my boy Gandhi was quite the martial artist. Maybe you haven't heard of the "Squatting Hippo" style, but he revolutionized it, made it a pure art form. His accomplishments in the underground hardcore fighting rings are legendary. We're talking one punch knockouts, fighting 3 guys at once. There's even stories that he would wrestle rabid pitbulls in the back alleys. Then after the fights, he would get his ninja gear on and cause mayhem among the British troops.

There is so much more that I could tell you about Gandhi, but alas, I have been sworn to secrecy about the rest. I just hope that one day Ben Kingsley will have the courage to do what's right and make a truthful movie about the man, the legend, the Gandhi.